Self Improvement Tip Number One -
Read This Article!
Self Improvement Tip Number 2 -
Whilst reading this article, take notes about which points might interest you. We more easily forget that which we read about, you see, as opposed to those things we more fully 'experience'. This is because when we read, we're only making use of one sense (our vision) to remember something, but when we're experiencing something with many of our other senses too, and we're using our vision more amply (storing the memory of a person's face is easier than storing a memory of the words that might describe that same person's face, for instance) our memory is simply that much better.
Self Improvement Tip Number 3 -
Worry More. In short: some people don't worry enough about their life and self, and that can lead to problems. The truth is that I perhaps shouldn't use the word 'worry'. What I more specifically mean is that you shouldn't ever be SO content in your life that you miss opportunities that may either help you grow or improve your position in life in some manner. As always, it just goes back to the concept of 'maintaining a balance in all things as far as you can'. You even have to maintain a sense of balance in regards to balance. If you try to balance too much, too often, in your life, you'll wind up unbalanced. But before I make things overly complicated, and this winds up becoming an article...
Self Improvement Tip Number 4 -
This next point is going to be 'the same old advice' you've heard a million times over, but for a less common reason... Don't practice the philosophy of 'do unto others' because you think it will be nice for the others that you're 'doing unto'... 'do unto others' for the POSITIVELY SELFISH REASON that it will ultimately be to your own benefit if you practice this rule. Sure, you'll feel good about yourself when being good, but that's not exactly what I mean. I mean that when you're a well working kink in the system, you help others kinks to work well, and the whole machine works better as a result, so ultimately your helping others will help you (or your children or grandchildren or whatever) which is one of the best goals to keep in mind when considering self-improvement. Your self improvement SOMETIMES relies on others, but their self improvement SOMETIMES relies on you too. If the world acted like one giant company, all working towards the same goal, then we would have ourselves a far better world.
Self Improvement Tip Number 5 -
It Doesn't Hurt To Ask... actually yes, sometimes it does. And it sometimes hurts to ask for quite a number of reasons depending on the situation and people involved. Be warned. Also though (and more importantly) there are some questions you don't have to ask, especially of certain people. If they give you the wrong advice about something, and you heed it because you take their word as gospel, it might hurt you quite greatly in the long run to have asked them whatever you did. Sometimes you'll ask somebody for something, and because they're nice, they'll say yes, but you put them in a position where you were compromising their generosity, and that's not very moral. So sometimes it hurts ANOTHER PERSON to ask, and that's not fair, regardless of whether or not they're a close friend or just a casual work colleague. So when is it alright to ask somebody for something? The answer is 'that's not the right question.' 'Who is the right person to ask something of?' is the right question. Ask a person a question who is genuinely straight with you about matters (telling you they don't know how to answer you if they don't know how to answer you, for one thing), who is assertive (telling you that you have no right to ask them something if you genuinely don't), who is very possibly knowledgeable enough to answer your questions (even if they're only highly knowledgeable about the question you're 'presently' asking them), and - most importantly - is somebody you can trust with your feelings (because a number of people will use a question as a way to manipulate or sometimes even hurt you). Go to your kindest and most honest friends when you have questions, in other words, and think about whether asking them a question will put them in an awkward situation before you ask that question, because if it does, then you POSSIBLY shouldn't ask them that question.
Self Improvement Tip Number 6 -
Your secrets you can tell; other peoples' secrets you can't tell. Simple as that. To elaborate, however... if it means you have to lie to keep another person's secret, sometimes this is necessary, I believe. As stated in the above tip, sometimes people ask questions that they have no right asking, and if somebody asks you a question that might reveal something to them about a friend who is wishing to remain private on the matter, and only by lying can you keep them absolutely from knowing what the answer to their question is... then lying, in that instance, is not bad. As an example: Have you had one of those moments where a person asks you a question, and you say you can't answer them, and - by not answering them - they know what the answer most likely is? Well, if somebody puts you in a situation like that, then - quite frankly - perhaps it's your right to lie to them. This, I'll admit, is not a standard tip that most self improvement authors might agree with, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. It just MIGHT mean that - for far too long - the word 'lie' has only ever been associated with negative thoughts. I regard this sort of lie to be a 'Moral Lie'. One last point about secrets... sometimes I wonder if 'having secrets' are sometimes good for us. If you have secrets that might make you feel like your life is more mysterious (or more your own) and if that secret is not hurting anyone (yourself included) then don't think of that secret as necessarily being a bad thing.
Self Improvement Tip Number 7 -
Being child-like is good, but being childish is not good. I mention this as my next tip because people often think that the one concept is the same as the other, and they're actually quite different. Being child-like means that you have the good qualities that one sees in many children... being positive about life, having a plethora of energy, etc. Being childish refers to the negative aspects you see in many children... children often tease other children (and normally for no good reason, just to make the act seem even worse), children often give up and cry if something appears to be too difficult, etc. That said, sometimes - and only very rarely - I think being childish might actually be in one's best interests. It's a working theory of mine though, so I won't get into it just yet.
Self Improvement Tip Number 8 -
I once had a beautiful bird called Skye. She was a wild bird who I inherited from a friend who couldn't 'manage her', however; therefore even though Skye 'loved me', she was also quite terrified of me, even though she wasn't as terrified of me as she was of EVERYBODY else. She slowly became less scared of me, you see, because animals can change in this sense... through habit... through the reward system and my constantly showing her I meant no harm. People can change through habit too (as I quite often love to express in other articles), but we can go one better than most other creatures. Where Skye couldn't use logic (she couldn't think "My owner never hurts me, and always feeds me, and could have hurt me by now, but he hasn't, therefore he must be a friend, someone I can trust and not be afraid of...") people CAN use logic. We can change our attitude or thinking or actions immediately (even if the habit of our new conscious change takes a while to properly set) based on our reasoning mind alone. And now for my point: When people say "I won't change for you" or "You mustn't change for ANYONE", I hate this stigma, because it totally misses the point. If the change is for the better, then why not change? It has nothing to do with anything else but that. Change - when it is in regards to your own healthy evolution - can only be good. I've changed for other people in the past (albeit never completely, obviously) but only because I've realised it was ultimately better for me, the other person, and our relationship, and I've always been glad to have made these decisions to change. If there wasn't change in the world, we wouldn't have updated versions of software, new products... we might not have anything useful, in fact. So DON'T change yourself for anybody WHEN that change is bad, but when it's possibly for your own good, then at least think about it.
Self Improvement Tip Number 9 -
Watch stand up comedy NOT just with the intention of laughing. I say this because I, myself, now watch stand up comedy differently to how I always used to. In the past I rated someone's comedic performance on my laughameter. Now it's got to do with the content too, because even if I don't laugh, if I love what's being said because it's thought-provoking or original, it's not a waste of time. Quite honestly, some of the best comedy I've seen ISN'T the funniest. However, most of it is.
Self Improvement Tip Number 10 -
What's more important: Winning a fight or saving a friendship? The above question is something you should ask yourself if you ever get into a spat with somebody who you value in your life, because if 'confrontations' become more about winning the fight than seeing the other person's point and acknowledging that they feel a certain way about something (even if it doesn't make sense to you logically) then slowly your confrontations will become more and more about catching each other out than about strengthening your friendship. And finally you'll have nothing left. So DON'T lose focus of the bigger picture, especially when it comes to those who're the most special people in your life.
Self Improvement Tip Number 11 -
Keeping in line with the above tip, the purpose of a debate should NOT be 'to win' (even though I know it is) but rather to 'come to a truth'. If somebody conclusively proves their point to you on a topic, it is your responsibility to concede to them. But not to show that you're the better person; rather to become a better person because you've allowed yourself to grow. And don't think of it as 'conceding'; simply realise that in this particular argument/ debate/ confrontation in question, you just so happened to not be right (or the MOST right). Having said all of this, I do see the purpose in having a debate where two people try and outsmart each other. This strengthens your reasoning skills and verbal skills, so SOMETIMES a healthy debate is not just fine, but actually a recommended exercise. But it still shouldn't be about 'beating' the other person. And there are different reasons you might debate, so make sure you remember what those reasons are. If it's to heal a wound of sorts, then you're not aiming to outsmart the other person.
Self Improvement Tip Number 12 -
Here's something I wonder if anybody else does. I have a memory technique about 'Easily Finding Your Keys And Other Such Things When You Would Normally Have Otherwise Lost Them' and it's very simple. But know that it's not about 'How To Remember', it's about 'How To Not Forget'. And it's got to do with one of my favourite topics in regards to general human behaviour... habits. When we create a habit in our lives, it becomes automatic. That said, many of us get into a bad habit of quickly doing things, and this is when things often become lost. When we quickly put something down anywhere, it's an automatic action, and later - when trying to recall where we put that certain something - we can't remember. So my technique is this... Get yourself into another habit where, if you put something down in a place it wouldn't normally be, stop for a minute (and when I say 'minute', I mean 'a few seconds') and focus everything out, but look sharply at where you've just put said item. Make a mental image of that. Sometimes even saying aloud "I've put my keys on the refrigerator" if that's what you've just done. That said, it's best to rather just always only put certain things in certain places, but - when you're out and about - this isn't always an available option. So get into a habit of stopping and taking note of when you do something slightly 'out of the ordinary' because it'll save you huge amounts of time in the long run. At one stage, I used to have a piece of paper on the inside of my front door saying 'What are you forgetting?'. I cannot tell you how often I was so thrilled that this one piece of paper could save me so much time.
Self Improvement Tip Number 13 -
Beware of people who say that they quite easily become 'naturally angry'. Everyone is human, so we're all therefore animals, so anger is an available SURVIVAL tool we all have NATURALLY hard-wired into us, but most of us know how to control ourselves and know that it's better for everyone if we do, and if we all do. Some people choose not to control themselves, however, by saying they are 'naturally a person who gets angry', and this, ironically, makes me partially angry (although I never GET angry as a result) because it's got to do with a psychological theory called Transactional Analysis. Often a person who impulsively 'lashes out' either verbally or physically has a scared inner child, and they let that part of their identity take over because it's the easiest thing one can do. People who get 'naturally angry' are USUALLY just saying they don't take responsibility for their own actions. This is why I'm personally MOSTLY wary of them, because then the chances are they don't take responsibility for their own actions in many other respects too.
Self Improvement Tip Number 14 -
Respect is a weird thing. I think very often people have things completely backwards though concerning this word. You don't meet a person, then learn to respect them if they deserve it; you meet a person and automatically have a certain level of respect for them, unless they otherwise later prove that they don't deserve it. You don't start with the negative, in other words. You start with the positive, and if the negative needs to transpire, then let it transpire in its own time and manner. To begin with, THINK POSITIVELY ABOUT OTHERS. This can be applied to everything in life though. When you're in a tricky situation, being immediately negative about it will not help you in any way. Even science creates an idea (which is 'a positive') before it totally tries to debunk it (which is 'a negative') in order to prove its validity. You try and disprove something in order to prove it, in other words, but only as the second step. All that said: Be careful not to get into a habit of only seeing a person in their best light though, as this may lead to other problems too. The following tip has to do with this tip also.
Self Improvement Tip Number 15 -
I was on a blog a while back where somebody asked 'How do you gain respect?' Here's my answer to that question because I think it's one that many people wonder about: You gain respect by not trying to gain respect. Because then you just seem pathetic. First off, love yourself, and people should follow suit. In any case, having people enjoy being around you and thinking good things about you is more important than them 'respecting' you. Sometimes 'respect' is simply a synonym for 'to have a fear of' or 'being in awe of'. Personally, I don't want anyone to fear or be in awe of me.
Self Improvement Tip Number 16 -
Live Differently. Make your life your own. I've not had a car for years and I've saved a good deal of money because of this, and often people have felt sorry for me because of my lack of transport, but - as a result of not having had a car - I've spent the last few months creating my own living from home, and it's been absolutely fantastic! So I'm not saying you should defy any rules, I'm saying you should create your own rules (because rules ARE still necessary). A standard set of rules are not always good for everyone, you see. Look around you and be aware of how many people battle on through life because they're doing what's expected of them. If it doesn't suit you to socialize that much, for instance, then even though everyone thinks you should socialize to be happy, it doesn't matter. If what you do works best for you, and it doesn't interfere with another person's life, then go for it!
Self Improvement Tip Number 17 -
There's one particularly strange thing that most of us (or perhaps all of us) do, and it's this... we occasionally have imaginary fights with certain people in our heads on a number of possible topics. I don't think this is strange. Because so many people do it, in fact, I wonder if it's not actually healthy... a way of releasing (and also a way of exercising your own creative thinking abilities). So have imaginary fights with people in the recesses of your mind, if it helps. As I've said so often though... don't forget about balance. If you become so fantastic at confronting people only in your mind, then you'll never confront people about certain things in 'real life', and that wouldn't be healthy. Generally, if I have an imaginary fight with somebody in my mind, it's when having the fight in real life would not help, but it feels good thinking about it. We humans are naturally bizarre in MANY respects, I'll admit, so why be resistant to all of them, especially if our bizarreness might be a self-healing tool of sorts?
Self Improvement Tip Number 18 -
Go to a friend (who you know is fairly intelligent and creative, and who you trust not to hurt you) and pose the following question to them... Ask them what they might hate or merely dislike about you. The chances are that this will make them uncomfortable, so you can also phrase your question like "What do you think I could (or should try to) improve upon?" The point of this question is not about your friend trying to make you stronger by trying to hurt you though; it's about your friend trying to show you something 'possibly negative' about yourself that you might not see. And give the person some time to think about the question, because most people wouldn't see this one coming.
Self Improvement Tip Number 19 -
I believe there are AT THE VERY LEAST two types of 'stupid' people in this world. 1) the person who is just not that mentally intelligent (even if he/ she may be academically brilliant) and 2) the person who speaks before he/ she thinks. I think most often people, if anything, are the second sort of stupid because I know many who just let themselves talk without any thinking beforehand, and this is a pity. Amongst friends, you may simply be regarded as a bit of a clown, but in a more serious situation (for instance: if you're having an argument with somebody about something very personal OR if you're at a job interview where you have to seem your best) it can be hugely to your own detriment if you don't take the time to analyse what you say before you say it. You don't need to go overboard with this idea, but just keep it in mind. Many of the most intelligent people I know have been those who don't rush into saying something to impulsively.
Self Improvement Tip Number 20 -
Teach your children to clean up after themselves. While this is something many people quite often say, I want to add - quite simply - that you should teach your children to pick up after themselves because it will help them become more independent, it will help them appreciate hard work and the world they live in more greatly, and getting oneself into a habit of creating a tidy environment helps to create a person who also wants a tidy mind... one which will process data more quickly, efficiently, and with more ease.
Self Improvement Tip Number 21 -
Due to our 'mediocre lives', we mostly all yearn for excitement. This is one of the reasons we love movies so much... to live vicariously through action heroes and in the shoes of the insanely rich, etc, makes us - even if only for a short while - feel like we have far more than the little we actually do have. But it's crazy to think like this because everything's relative. While I love to live my life through on-screen characters, I also FULLY appreciate life (and my own life) equally as much as the people who entertain me at the movies because - once more for the heck of it - everything's relative. Compared to a caveman, the possibilities open to many of us are endless... we can travel to all sorts of destinations (in our own countries and overseas), we can meet huge varieties of different people and experience different cultures just by chatting to people on blogs, we can eat hundreds of sorts of exotic foods, we can have adrenaline rushes when going to fun-fares, we can see more of nature at zoos and in game reserves and on documentaries on television than in any other time, we can have pets and experience wildly different jobs if we choose to, we have a staggering abundance of knowledge at our fingertips due to the marvel of the Internet, etc. So TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE WORLD YOU LIVE IN, but - more importantly - don't forget to, every so often... BE SIMPLY AMAZED BY IT TOO!
Self Improvement Tip Number 22 -
Before you 'Do', first think 'Isn't there a better way?' If we all did this, especially with the most important things in our lives, we would be more productive (and more successful as a result), happier, and healthier.
Self Improvement Tip Number 23 -
Listening and Taking (not Talking): these are two completely different actions, but both are equally as important as each other, albeit for totally different reasons. LISTEN to the advice of all people, for it will tell you a great deal about them, if nothing else, but TAKE only the advice of the successful, and only in the area in which they are successful. Sometimes it might prove to be useful. Also, first define, for yourself, what it means to be successful. I'm not going to be so cliché as to say that a truly successful person is one who has many people in his/ her life who love him/ her, because, while this is important, financial success and one's mental and physical well being are also thoroughly important aspects of everyone's life. As always, there must be a balance in all things.
Self Improvement Tip Number 24 -
Almost every time I've been angry with someone in the past, I've then reflected on the matter properly, and found I was actually more angry with myself for allowing that person to make me angry/ upset/ whatever the negative emotion in question might be. Sometimes you should know better than to let certain people hurt you somehow, or put you in a situation that's unpleasant, but we are ruled not so much by our hearts, but more by what's most convenient for us to believe. When a 'person' gives you advice that's intentionally designed to hurt you and help them, it's not always easy to see this because we often don't want to see such things... it's not convenient for us to see such things. Therefore - regarding certain people who've 'done you wrong in the past before' - examine a situation as fully as you can before committing to an idea or a situation or a person. It's taken me years to come to terms with the following fact, but there are a few specific friends I have who - as much as I might value them in other respects - I have now learnt that I cannot rely on them at all in many instances where I need to rely on somebody for whatever the reason. It doesn't feel good admitting this to myself, but it feels worse when I don't admit this to myself, and am later in a situation where they've let me down and I only have myself to blame for making the same mistakes in believing their empty promises.
Self Improvement Tip Number 25 -
In line with the above tip, remember that 'What's most convenient for you to believe is usually the thing to also be questioned the most because this is when you are at your least objective.' So don't question everything (because you'd never be doing anything else but that if you did that); rather question everything that you are most happy to believe.
Self Improvement Tip Number 26 -
In line with the above two tips, know that sometimes it's absolutely fine, and to your own benefit (because it's your 'peace of mind' at stake) to 'let go' of certain friends. As a rule of thumb, I slowly disassociate myself from those few people in my life who do things to INTENTIONALLY hurt me, eg: they might CONSCIOUSLY do or say something which will be at my expense, but because they have something to gain in the matter, they weigh in their own needs as being more important than mine.
Self Improvement Tip Number 27 -
One excellent method of becoming more 'mentally fit' is to write articles yourself on how to become 'mentally fit'. As always, I find this is simply because quite often 'you learn more from teaching than you do from learning'! So while I appreciate your reading my articles, you should also write your own articles sometimes because you might wind up being surprised at how much you know on the topic of self improvement too!
Self Improvement Tip Number 28 & 29 -
I'll start ending off with two tips that aren't my own, but they need to be mentioned as they helped immensely in defining my character. The first tip/ lesson was taught to me by my mother. 'Never tease another person'. While my mother NEVER teases, I sometimes do (if it's a person who is an old friend and the teasing is all in good fun), but I see the value in this idea when applied to many other situations. My mother added to this statement that while many of us might occasionally swear (when you stub your toe or break a dish, etc), using a swearword in reference to another person is never on. This I PARTICULARLY agree with, and I hope that I always get this tip right. One of the most valuable tips my father taught me is 'If you're going to do something, do it properly.' Like my mother, my father always practices what he preaches, and while growing up, when I saw how much effort he put into everything, it truly inspired me to do the same. Whether my dad was building a cupboard, fixing his car, or simply relaxing, he put EVERYTHING into it. He still does, in fact!
Self Improvement Tip Number 30 -
Read more of my articles! No pressure, but your whole life will go entirely down the drain if you don't. What? I can't help it that I occasionally like to end with a joke! Then again, I'll admit that I'm not entirely joking, with regards to the first part of this tip, that is. Ahem.
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* Finding Reliable Sources
* Free Self Improvement Downloads
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